Leadership Isn’t About Being Nice. It’s About Being Accountable.

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Evelina Silveira, President, Diversity at Work Communications Training

I was 26 years old, with almost no leadership training or experience, when I was promoted to interim executive director of a men’s counselling agency more than 30 years ago. It was a turbulent time: women’s agencies were calling for us to be shut down, funding was uncertain, and I inherited a deficit. I managed the operational side well enough, but the people side was overwhelming. I was young, untested, and suddenly responsible for employees 10 to 20 years older than me.

I often look back on that period and see both what I handled well and what I would do differently now, with the leadership maturity and cultural awareness I’ve gained. I can clearly see the moments when I should have acted but didn’t—because I wanted to be liked. In trying to avoid conflict, I ignored serious issues at a time when staff were already anxious about job security and the agency’s future. That was a mistake.

One example still stands out. A long‑time volunteer breached client confidentiality—an unforgivable violation in group counselling, where trust and safety are the foundation of effective treatment. My immediate instinct was to terminate her. But she was well‑liked, and I was met with strong resistance. I knew there would be backlash, and I wasn’t confident enough to withstand it. So I backed down.

By doing so, I sent the wrong message: that popularity could override policy, and that I was willing to bend on issues that required absolute clarity. Confidentiality is non‑negotiable in a counselling agency. I should never have compromised.

Months later, cash went missing for the first time in the agency’s history. The losses were significant for an organization already struggling. I suspected the new employee responsible for handling payments, but I didn’t want to accuse anyone without evidence. I planned to call the police so an investigation could be done properly. When I raised it with a senior staff member, I was told not to involve law enforcement and to “figure it out internally.” Again, I backed down. Eventually, the employee I suspected left for another job—and the thefts stopped.

I should have proceeded with the police report. By avoiding it, I unintentionally signalled that theft might be understandable under stress, and that I was too soft when firmness was required.

What I didn’t understand at the time is that failing to address serious issues doesn’t just affect the person involved—it affects everyone. Your best employees become stressed. They lose confidence in you, in the fairness of the workplace, and in the organization’s values. The ripple effect is real: when leaders avoid hard decisions, the culture absorbs that avoidance. Standards erode quietly, then quickly.

The truth is simple: I lacked confidence, and I cared too much about being liked. Many young female leaders fall into this trap. Ironically, the employees I sought approval from were never going to support me anyway. Our values clashed, which is likely why I was chosen for the role instead of them. I also learned that being “nice” does not guarantee respect.

When the stability, integrity, or culture of an organization is threatened, termination is sometimes the only responsible option. Each person in a leadership position has a duty to uphold the organization’s values—and that means taking action when employees commit severe infractions. It also means documenting workplace incidents thoroughly and seeking legal advice when warranted. Accountability is not optional; it is foundational.

In the last few weeks alone, I’ve heard situations that made my head spin:

• An employee caught stealing was offered coaching instead of termination.

• Workers repeatedly found sleeping on the job with no consequences.

• And most troubling, the countless stories of workplace bullies who terrorize colleagues—and sometimes clients—for years because leaders are too afraid to act.

  
  

These patterns don’t happen by accident. They happen when leaders prioritize comfort over courage.

And I know that pattern well, because I lived it.